Sunday, September 1, 2013

Ode To The Grumpy Old Man

A grumpy old man had trouble sleeping at night. The noise from the neighbor's dogs was driving him crazy. He tried everything he could think of to help him sleep, nothing worked. One day, he took the matter into his own hands. He approached the dogs and fed them something laced with poison. That kind of poison that could not be traced. The dogs died and the grumpy old man never heard them again. He slept one night, silently.

The following night, crickets began to chirp throughout the night. For weeks, they would never stop. The crickets were driving the grumpy old man crazy. He decided to take matters into his own hands. He hired an exterminator, who managed to wipe out all of the crickets. The horrible noise was gone. He slept one night, silently.

The next night, a crow began to drive the man crazy with its loud annoying voice. The crow continued to yap and yap throughout the night. This racket was driving the old man crazy. He bought a rifle, learned how to use it and finally shot the crow out of the tree. The noisy crow fell to the ground with a thud. The grumpy old man, slept one night, silently.

The next night, two stray cats began to scream throughout the night. This noise drove the old man crazier than he already was, until he decided to do something about it. The old man called animal control. They came out, found the cats and took the old man's problems away. He grinned when he thought about what he did to those annoying cats. The grin was mean, the grin was sly and the grin was filled with bad intentions. The grumpy old man, slept one night, silently.

The next night, the grumpy old man's wife began to snore. She had never snored before, but now she did. The grumpy old man had a talk with his wife. He told her, she had better stop snoring. He wasn't getting enough rest and he had no idea what he might do. His wife had a bad cold and it was making her snore. This went on for weeks, until the snoring drove the grumpy old man mad. He did the only thing he could think of. The grumpy old man took a pillow and stopped his wife from snoring. He dragged her body to the woods and he buried her in a shallow grave. She was a fine old lady, but she was just too noisy. The grumpy old man, slept one night, silently.

The next night, the grumpy old man began to snore. He had caught his wife's cold and he was having trouble breathing at night. This made his snore a horrible snore that could wake a deepest sleeper up from their slumber.. The grumpy old man tossed and turned, the noise was driving him crazy. He had to do something about it. The grumpy old man found a rope, tight a noose and hung himself in the barn. The last noise he heard was his own neck breaking. His final thought was how grumpy that noise had made him feel. The grumpy old man never had another sleepless night......

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